In Default

In church several weeks ago, someone said something that pricked my little brain so sharply that I couldn't stop thinking about it for days. Probably because I grew up with a computer in our home and later a phone in my hand.

Everyone has a default.

We're familiar with default settings. We've all adjusted the default settings on device after device to make it function the way we want it to. Because the default settings, if we're honest, are crap.

They are the most basic of the basic. The default settings do allow your device to function. However,  until you start adjusting the settings, your device won't fit your needs or function efficiently for you.

If you never adjusted your device from its default, eventually you may not even notice that everything is still on default. You sit in and eventually sink into those settings and they don't seem that bad to you.

Until you see someone else's device that has been adjusted and then you realize you didn't change your settings.

Okay enough with the device metaphor.

I have stayed in or reverted to my default self many times in my life. As a matter of fact for the past couple of years it feels like I've been at my basic functioning level, my default. Only recently am I starting to feel like I can adjust.

And it actually is not fun. It feels heavy and tiring. However, after several days of dragging my feet in the 'I don't want to change' mud, there appears a tiny glimmer of hope and something I have been trying to adjust or fix finally sticks. One day I don't actually dread my attempt to exercise. Or maybe I remember to read some scriptures or something spiritual before the reminder on my phone goes off. It starts to get a little easier and I feel a little more like the person I want to be.


That doesn't mean that adjusting from here on will be simpler or easier. Maybe the best part of having a default and something better than default, is that they both exist.  That is the most comforting part of trying to change is that I can literally change. I can choose to do more. I can choose to act differently. I can change my own patterns, feelings, reactions, and actions.

So if I can do it, you can do it. Sincerely, I am a very lethargic person. Like use the same dishes all day because I don't want to get new ones kind of lethargic. So you can do it, I know you can.

You and I can be different each day. We can change who we are and what we do.

Everyone has a default. But you and I are better than our default.